I'm Tired

Noah tells me he’s tired a lot nowadays. When he’s pissed off, when he’s down and sometimes when he’s actually tired.

I’m writing this from a Hate Crime Forum in London which is attended by many people, activists and staff from all over the UK, all interested in working with us from the GRT community. Whilst I should be excited that mate people are engaged, (I am), I am just very tired.

It wasn’t the 3am wake up from the kids, or the painful infection in my eyeball, (not going to lie, I wouldn’t mind being a beta tester for a Google Eyeball to replace my gammy eye with, TBH). I am tired, because instead of people talking about what should be done, or recommendations given to a roomful of activists I want to see the people who can make change, and being as appalled as I am at a murder case, or hate crime case study against GRT people. I want them to feel the pain in my chest when I see and read comments from cowards and scum who raid GRT profiles and post pictures of their kids wishing (and almost instigating) harm to befall them.

I’m tired of hearing, year upon year “Hate Crime stats have risen” or “We will do more to prosecute and protect”, when you have mainstream media and politicians stating that they don’t want GRT sites around them tell their councils that, “We should behead them all instead”.

I’m thinking of my kids and their futures when I work for equality and genuinely hope that they will see *true* equality. However, I believe I will be long dead before I see it. Hopefully I’m wrong.

Still, I’m tired.

Like Noah, I’m getting tired of fighting how miserable I get at conferences like this. I’m tired of being depressed and thinking of how and what I can do, apart from begging friends and family to help me fight for equality and political wars that need to be fought. Like Noah I’m pissed off at how far down in the gutter I’m made to feel I am. I’m sick of tokenism and want to see the power-holders take in GRT lifestyle, accept it as part of World Culture and treat it as any other way of life, rather that adding to the criminalisation of it. I’m sick of hearing someone tell me that my family are criminals and then get made that I’ve “made them feel racist” when I point out that I’m an Irish Traveller, (true story).

Yeah, I’m tired. Maybe I’m just more sensitive today because I’m feeling down and this is a topic that depresses the heck out of me.

However, hope is a big thing we hold on to. I’m surrounded by many people who are interested in learning about us. More are here hoping that they can help us. Same as I am. It may take many years, I may never see equality in my lifetime, but I can work towards it, even if it is a small contribution.

I am very tired, but get me a cup of tea with two sugars, and like every Traveller, we’ll get on with the job ahead.

Take care.