Traveller’s Voice Magazine – Mental Health.

Below is an article that was written for the awesome Traveller’s Voice Magazine, go check them out here – http://www.travellersvoice.ie/!

“Traveller men are 6.6 times more likely to kill themselves than the rest of the general population, and women are 7 times more likely to do take their lives.

Did you know that?

As horrible as that is to read, especially for Gypsies, Romani and Traveller (GRT) people (and anybody else for that matter), it is very true, and very sad. For that number to drop, we need to change how we look at mental health illnesses and the sooner, the better. As some readers will know, GRT men do not talk about our mental health. This is because we live in a community where men are only allowed to be ‘hardy’ and ‘manly’. I believe this is changing. Tyson Fury recently posted a video talking about mental health and how important it is to speak out about it. I mean, if the undefeated Heavyweight Champion of the World can open up about his mental health issues, then surely more of us should feel safe and comfortable to do so.

I do understand why people do bury it. It’s easier to push it to the back of your mind due to the fear of being seen as weak, or sick and on the road to addiction or suicide. Then, we have to deal with people talking about us, and our families worrying about us, and they also have to worry what will be said in a pub one night, which could cause arguments and drama for no need.

When I was first told by my doctor that I had depression, stress and anxiety, which came after spending a year of trying to get into university and ended up with me paralysed in my bed, my wife convinced me that I had to recover properly and not to just ‘get on with it’. I told my doctor about the thoughts that I couldn’t control, how I felt up and down like there was a switch someone was playing with, how I went from someone who could play a show in front of more than 1000 people to someone who couldn’t make a phone call for work. I told him everything.

Rightly so, my GP gave me all sorts of tablets, I was worried that I’d be sectioned after I told him what was going on with me, but they were brilliant. They talked to me and told me that I was not alone. The medication I take now helps me, other ones they gave me left me a complete write-off but once I found the right tablets for me, I am feeling close to how I was years ago. I still have my days where I am a nightmare to be around and the tablets can make it worse, (no, that isn’t a good excuse when I’m doing my wife’s head in, trust me, I’ve tried it). They helped me more than I thought they could.

When I first booked to see a counsellor, I had no idea what to look for until my doctor gave me options and referred me. Now, if my doctor was temporary, or just didn’t care, I wouldn’t have gone to that session. Looking for professional help online left me confused, I didn’t know if I’d be wasting their time and there was nothing at all, (that I could find) that did anything that made GRT people feel welcome to go there, or have someone available who would understand what we’re about. I think that is one of the biggest reasons that GRT men and women don’t want to see a counsellor, there aren’t many people that truly understand us.

Saying that, once I completed my sessions I definitely felt better, and have I gone again since. Being able to have someone to listen to you and give you their knowledge on what it is that is happening in your head, and give you techniques to help manage the times that seem too much. I still use them today. Without them my brain would have melted, now I am to relax my mind and stop it from feeling like it is racing 200 miles per hour. I mean, their job is to sit there and listen to some horrible stuff, all day. Getting it out of your head and knowing people aren’t going to treat you differently, is massive when you need support.

For us to start to open up, and in the long run get better and understand how to manage whatever our mental illness may be, we have to change how we look at speaking to councillors. They are there to help, not to judge you, or how our culture lives, and they can’t repeat anything you say back to anyone outside of the room, so your business will stay private.

What I think is more important, is that we have to change how we think about our own people who are suffering, and how they have to suffer in silence because people might talk about them behind their backs. Some of you reading will know that the GRT community are very, very loyal and passionate about our families, but it can also be quite a judgemental community to be part of! If we want the suicide numbers to go down, we need to make our own feel that they can talk about their problems. And all it takes is us letting people who need to talk, that they can chat with you over a cup of tea. That’s where someone’s recovery can start. It is that simple.

Depression as we know does not discriminate. MIND tell us that 1 in 4 people have a mental illness, now I’d like to bet that not many GRT people were involved in their survey, and if we were, that number would be a lot higher, and the fact that we are 6 or 7 times more likely to commit suicide says that we need to treat our mental illness as we do our physical problems. I know most families will talk about headaches, illnesses and all sorts of physical health problems we have, (like me when I’m dying with the flu), or rally round a family member when they really need help, but when I told my family about my mental health problems, and even more so when I started writing about it, I was asked to watch what I said to avoid people talking, or thinking that I am sick. I know my family obviously want me to be alright, but they tip-toe around conversations about depression, even now.

Until we begin to think and talk about mental health problems the same we do about general health, we can’t move forward. By making this shift about the way we think and talk, hopefully, people won’t be so afraid to speak openly, and more importantly, seek help when needed.

I can only hope that the people I speak to about my own mental health problems, will be able to offer their time and patience to them. I feel like I didn’t have that except from my wife and her family, and it meant the world. People with depression do not look miserable, or messy, or lock themselves away. They smile and laugh, and dress like everyone else does. Look at the musicians we’ve lost recently. They had money to last them forever, they played music to hundreds and thousands every year, they laughed and joked in their videos with family and friends, but in the end, it couldn’t stop them from taking their lives.

It is time for us to think differently about depression and other mental health issues. It is time to be there for each other and it may be a simple chat and a cup of tea that can help someone you know and love.”