I'm Tired

Noah tells me he’s tired a lot nowadays. When he’s pissed off, when he’s down and sometimes when he’s actually tired.

I’m writing this from a Hate Crime Forum in London which is attended by many people, activists and staff from all over the UK, all interested in working with us from the GRT community. Whilst I should be excited that mate people are engaged, (I am), I am just very tired.

It wasn’t the 3am wake up from the kids, or the painful infection in my eyeball, (not going to lie, I wouldn’t mind being a beta tester for a Google Eyeball to replace my gammy eye with, TBH). I am tired, because instead of people talking about what should be done, or recommendations given to a roomful of activists I want to see the people who can make change, and being as appalled as I am at a murder case, or hate crime case study against GRT people. I want them to feel the pain in my chest when I see and read comments from cowards and scum who raid GRT profiles and post pictures of their kids wishing (and almost instigating) harm to befall them.

I’m tired of hearing, year upon year “Hate Crime stats have risen” or “We will do more to prosecute and protect”, when you have mainstream media and politicians stating that they don’t want GRT sites around them tell their councils that, “We should behead them all instead”.

I’m thinking of my kids and their futures when I work for equality and genuinely hope that they will see *true* equality. However, I believe I will be long dead before I see it. Hopefully I’m wrong.

Still, I’m tired.

Like Noah, I’m getting tired of fighting how miserable I get at conferences like this. I’m tired of being depressed and thinking of how and what I can do, apart from begging friends and family to help me fight for equality and political wars that need to be fought. Like Noah I’m pissed off at how far down in the gutter I’m made to feel I am. I’m sick of tokenism and want to see the power-holders take in GRT lifestyle, accept it as part of World Culture and treat it as any other way of life, rather that adding to the criminalisation of it. I’m sick of hearing someone tell me that my family are criminals and then get made that I’ve “made them feel racist” when I point out that I’m an Irish Traveller, (true story).

Yeah, I’m tired. Maybe I’m just more sensitive today because I’m feeling down and this is a topic that depresses the heck out of me.

However, hope is a big thing we hold on to. I’m surrounded by many people who are interested in learning about us. More are here hoping that they can help us. Same as I am. It may take many years, I may never see equality in my lifetime, but I can work towards it, even if it is a small contribution.

I am very tired, but get me a cup of tea with two sugars, and like every Traveller, we’ll get on with the job ahead.

Take care.

Traveller’s Voice Magazine – Mental Health.

Below is an article that was written for the awesome Traveller’s Voice Magazine, go check them out here – http://www.travellersvoice.ie/!

“Traveller men are 6.6 times more likely to kill themselves than the rest of the general population, and women are 7 times more likely to do take their lives.

Did you know that?

As horrible as that is to read, especially for Gypsies, Romani and Traveller (GRT) people (and anybody else for that matter), it is very true, and very sad. For that number to drop, we need to change how we look at mental health illnesses and the sooner, the better. As some readers will know, GRT men do not talk about our mental health. This is because we live in a community where men are only allowed to be ‘hardy’ and ‘manly’. I believe this is changing. Tyson Fury recently posted a video talking about mental health and how important it is to speak out about it. I mean, if the undefeated Heavyweight Champion of the World can open up about his mental health issues, then surely more of us should feel safe and comfortable to do so.

I do understand why people do bury it. It’s easier to push it to the back of your mind due to the fear of being seen as weak, or sick and on the road to addiction or suicide. Then, we have to deal with people talking about us, and our families worrying about us, and they also have to worry what will be said in a pub one night, which could cause arguments and drama for no need.

When I was first told by my doctor that I had depression, stress and anxiety, which came after spending a year of trying to get into university and ended up with me paralysed in my bed, my wife convinced me that I had to recover properly and not to just ‘get on with it’. I told my doctor about the thoughts that I couldn’t control, how I felt up and down like there was a switch someone was playing with, how I went from someone who could play a show in front of more than 1000 people to someone who couldn’t make a phone call for work. I told him everything.

Rightly so, my GP gave me all sorts of tablets, I was worried that I’d be sectioned after I told him what was going on with me, but they were brilliant. They talked to me and told me that I was not alone. The medication I take now helps me, other ones they gave me left me a complete write-off but once I found the right tablets for me, I am feeling close to how I was years ago. I still have my days where I am a nightmare to be around and the tablets can make it worse, (no, that isn’t a good excuse when I’m doing my wife’s head in, trust me, I’ve tried it). They helped me more than I thought they could.

When I first booked to see a counsellor, I had no idea what to look for until my doctor gave me options and referred me. Now, if my doctor was temporary, or just didn’t care, I wouldn’t have gone to that session. Looking for professional help online left me confused, I didn’t know if I’d be wasting their time and there was nothing at all, (that I could find) that did anything that made GRT people feel welcome to go there, or have someone available who would understand what we’re about. I think that is one of the biggest reasons that GRT men and women don’t want to see a counsellor, there aren’t many people that truly understand us.

Saying that, once I completed my sessions I definitely felt better, and have I gone again since. Being able to have someone to listen to you and give you their knowledge on what it is that is happening in your head, and give you techniques to help manage the times that seem too much. I still use them today. Without them my brain would have melted, now I am to relax my mind and stop it from feeling like it is racing 200 miles per hour. I mean, their job is to sit there and listen to some horrible stuff, all day. Getting it out of your head and knowing people aren’t going to treat you differently, is massive when you need support.

For us to start to open up, and in the long run get better and understand how to manage whatever our mental illness may be, we have to change how we look at speaking to councillors. They are there to help, not to judge you, or how our culture lives, and they can’t repeat anything you say back to anyone outside of the room, so your business will stay private.

What I think is more important, is that we have to change how we think about our own people who are suffering, and how they have to suffer in silence because people might talk about them behind their backs. Some of you reading will know that the GRT community are very, very loyal and passionate about our families, but it can also be quite a judgemental community to be part of! If we want the suicide numbers to go down, we need to make our own feel that they can talk about their problems. And all it takes is us letting people who need to talk, that they can chat with you over a cup of tea. That’s where someone’s recovery can start. It is that simple.

Depression as we know does not discriminate. MIND tell us that 1 in 4 people have a mental illness, now I’d like to bet that not many GRT people were involved in their survey, and if we were, that number would be a lot higher, and the fact that we are 6 or 7 times more likely to commit suicide says that we need to treat our mental illness as we do our physical problems. I know most families will talk about headaches, illnesses and all sorts of physical health problems we have, (like me when I’m dying with the flu), or rally round a family member when they really need help, but when I told my family about my mental health problems, and even more so when I started writing about it, I was asked to watch what I said to avoid people talking, or thinking that I am sick. I know my family obviously want me to be alright, but they tip-toe around conversations about depression, even now.

Until we begin to think and talk about mental health problems the same we do about general health, we can’t move forward. By making this shift about the way we think and talk, hopefully, people won’t be so afraid to speak openly, and more importantly, seek help when needed.

I can only hope that the people I speak to about my own mental health problems, will be able to offer their time and patience to them. I feel like I didn’t have that except from my wife and her family, and it meant the world. People with depression do not look miserable, or messy, or lock themselves away. They smile and laugh, and dress like everyone else does. Look at the musicians we’ve lost recently. They had money to last them forever, they played music to hundreds and thousands every year, they laughed and joked in their videos with family and friends, but in the end, it couldn’t stop them from taking their lives.

It is time for us to think differently about depression and other mental health issues. It is time to be there for each other and it may be a simple chat and a cup of tea that can help someone you know and love.”

#thankyoubrain

Another train to Cardiff, another blog idea (finally). I’ve been writing articles for magazines, which is pretty crazy. Being ‘printed’ was a bucket list entry I didn’t even know I wanted to tick off! I’ve also seen the number of blog posts and social media stuff other bloggers post on a daily basis. It’s crazy! Fair play to them though. I couldn’t blog about me and my brain that much, or I’d definitely question the point of doing anything at all.

Anyway – first update. The Vuelio blog awards were awesome! Loads of fun, an incredible comedian in Ellie Taylor, who destroyed us, and loads free wine, which RUINED Chloe. She decided to sleep in our suitcase that night. She’s too cool for a bed. and very cool people and ‘talent’ to meet.

Secondly, Vuelio has featured ‘Learning to Dad’ in their Top 10 UK Mental Health blogs! Happy Christmas to me! 📷

So yeah, that’s cool, isn’t it?

I’m an ‘influencer’… Awesome.

Anyway – most of the time in these blog posts, I sit and I focus on all of the bad stuff that happens in my head, but I’ve never really sat back and thought about the good things that have happened because of my poor brain.

So yeah, basically all year I’ve been a dick to my brain. Now I’m saying sorry.

Back when I saw Chloe for the first time, I could have had someone else’s brain in my skull, giving me the WORST ideas on how to approach and talk to her. I could now be single, but I’m not. Instead, my brain is charming and smooth as hell and I ended up making a family with this beautiful person.

If you’ve ever popped over to my Instagram, you’d see that I do have a lot of good things to look forward to coming home to. Noah being crazy with my (now ruined) guitars, he and Riley and their love-hate relationship with food and toy balls. It isn’t a portrayal of ‘look at my perfect family’, there isn’t any such thing, but now I look at it as a letter to myself to appreciate who and what I have in my life.

I’m also very, very lucky to have the musical experiences I did. I managed to do Radio 1 Live Lounge sessions, tour the country, do sessions at Abbey  Road, confuse the hell out of Zane Lowe enough to tell the nation they should love the track as am “an Irish Traveller from a fighting family”.

True story.

I was surrounded by people who I’d love to tour with again, but I have memories of hundreds of people singing the lyrics my brain came up with and having fun with us, just to enjoy ideas that I wrote down.

And I do take for granted the ideas  I get and the buzz of it when that stupid idea ends up being a blog, or a song or something funny to post.

I know that this post has pretty much been me blowing smoke up my own ass for a while, but there’s something about heavy snow and fresh starts. So, for Christmas this year, I’m going to stop being so hard on my brain. Because of it, I have a load of memories that I can laugh and smile about, and no matter what you offered me, I would never change them. and whatever happens in the future.

I hope that when you’re feeling stressed, or crap and low, that you can take a step back, and appreciate where you and your brain are now, and everything you’ve done in your life and more importantly, where you’ll get up to in the future.

I hope you enjoy Christmas and New Year! If I don’t post before then, I hope you all get a good haul. I have kids now, so a bottle of Jack Daniels will be the equivalent to a Lottery win.